This Friday: quarterly expirations plus S&P index rebalancing

By: Ray Pellecchia

File Under: NYSE

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This is perhaps the only business where we constantly talk of expirations and executions but nobody dies as a result.

Not to mention the old Fill or Kill order type, which actually did expire a couple of years ago, as in ceased to be, as in gone to meet its Maker, as they said in the Dead Parrot Sketch on Monty Python.

But I digress.

This Friday, 21 September 2007, is a quarterly "Expiration Friday" which I hope turns out to be not nearly as bad as its name, affixed to the poor day by this memo, which is recommended reading.

It is ALSO the day of Standard & Poor's quarterly rebalancing of its S&P 500, the S&P MidCap 400 and S&P SmallCap 600 indices.

The memo reminds members and member firms of rules and policies with respect to market-on-close and limit-on-close order entry and imbalance publication procedures.

The memo also says members and member firms should "review their practices for handling orders at or near the Close, particularly with respect to any orders where there is an on-close or other price guarantee for those securities that are part of the rebalancing. In this regard, firms should review their policies and procedures as well as their supervisory systems with respect to handling orders at or near the close. This is true for both orders that are handled manually as well as those orders that are handled systemically, such as orders that are handled by a computer algorithm."

I know this actually is serious stuff. I mean, right on top of the memo it says, "IMPORTANT - SHOW THIS TO YOUR COMPLIANCE OFFICER".

Anyway, on to today's trivia, for TV fans of a certain generation (mine): On This Day, "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" debuted on this day in 1970 (Ohhhhh, Mr. Grant!); and today is the birthday of Adam West, 77; and David McCallum, 74.

And because we can always use a laugh, especially on a Wednesday, here's an excerpt from Python's Dead Parrot sketch:

Pet Shop Owner: We're closin' for lunch.

Mr. Praline: Never mind that, my lad. I wish to complain about this parrot what I purchased not half an hour ago from this very boutique.

Owner: Oh yes, the, uh, the Norwegian Blue...What's, uh...What's wrong with it?

Mr. Praline: I'll tell you what's wrong with it, my lad. 'E's dead, that's what's wrong with it!

Owner: No, no, 'e's uh,...he's resting.

Mr. Praline: Look, matey, I know a dead parrot when I see one, and I'm looking at one right now.

Owner: No no he's not dead, he's, he's restin'! Remarkable bird, the Norwegian Blue, idn'it, ay? Beautiful plumage!

Mr. Praline: The plumage don't enter into it. It's stone dead.

Owner: Nononono, no, no! 'E's resting!

Mr. Praline: All right then, if he's restin', I'll wake him up! (shouting at the cage) 'Ello, Mister Polly Parrot! I've got a lovely fresh cuttle fish for you if you show...

(owner hits the cage)

Owner: There, he moved!

Mr. Praline: No, he didn't, that was you hitting the cage!

Owner: I never!!

Mr. Praline: Yes, you did!

Owner: I never, never did anything...

Mr. Praline: (yelling and hitting the cage repeatedly) 'ELLO POLLY!!!!! Testing! Testing! Testing! Testing! This is your nine o'clock alarm call!

(Takes parrot out of the cage and thumps its head on the counter. Throws it up in the air and watches it plummet to the floor.)

Mr. Praline: Now that's what I call a dead parrot.

Owner: No, no.....No, 'e's stunned!

Mr. Praline: STUNNED?!?

Owner: Yeah! You stunned him, just as he was wakin' up! Norwegian Blues stun easily, major.

Mr. Praline: Um...now look...now look, mate, I've definitely 'ad enough of this. That parrot is definitely deceased, and when I purchased it not 'alf an hour ago, you assured me that its total lack of movement was due to it bein' tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

Owner: Well, he's...he's, ah...probably pining for the fjords.

Mr. Praline: PININ' for the FJORDS?!?!?!? What kind of talk is that?, look, why did he fall flat on his back the moment I got 'im home?

Owner: The Norwegian Blue prefers keepin' on it's back! Remarkable bird, id'nit, squire? Lovely plumage!

Mr. Praline: Look, I took the liberty of examining that parrot when I got it home, and I discovered the only reason that it had been sitting on its perch in the first place was that it had been NAILED there.

(pause)

Owner: Well, o'course it was nailed there! If I hadn't nailed that bird down, it would have nuzzled up to those bars, bent 'em apart with its beak, and VOOM! Feeweeweewee!

Mr. Praline: "VOOM"?!? Mate, this bird wouldn't "voom" if you put four million volts through it! 'E's bleedin' demised!

Owner: No no! 'E's pining!

Mr. Praline: 'E's not pinin'! 'E's passed on! This parrot is no more! He has ceased to be! 'E's expired and gone to meet 'is maker! 'E's a stiff! Bereft of life, 'e rests in peace! If you hadn't nailed 'im to the perch 'e'd be pushing up the daisies! 'Is metabolic processes are now 'istory! 'E's off the twig! 'E's kicked the bucket, 'e's shuffled off 'is mortal coil, run down the curtain and joined the bleedin' choir invisible!! THIS IS AN EX-PARROT!!

(pause)

Owner: Well, I'd better replace it, then. (he takes a quick peek behind the counter) Sorry squire, I've had a look 'round the back of the shop, and uh, we're right out of parrots.

Mr. Praline: I see. I see, I get the picture.

Owner: I got a slug.

(pause)

Mr. Praline: Pray, does it talk?

Tags: New York Stock Exchange, NYSE, Standard & Poor's